The following is a letter to self from the book, "The End of Me" by Kyle Idleman.
I’ve known you for as long as I can remember. I once heard there’s “a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” and yes, that’s us, though I doubt it’s what the proverb was talking about. I’ve been close to a lot of people, but you and me? We have quite an attachment. Looking back, it’s fair to say I’ve treated you pretty well. As a matter of fact, more times than I can count, I’ve put you ahead of anything and everything else. Agreed? As we were growing up. I tried to make sure you were always at the front of the line. I saw to it that you got the biggest cookie on the plate, the best parking spot, the comfiest chair in any room we entered. In school, I noticed the little things you liked, and I went after them. You always loved attention, so I did everything in my power to see that you got it. You still like the spotlight, so I’ve maneuvered to keep you in its glare. Now that we have the Internet, I have more tools. I post only the pictures that show you at your very best. Anybody would think you’re living the dream. Have you seen the comments people write about you? When you have struggled or had a hard time, I’ve done my best to keep that our little secret. I’ve tried to make you happy. Sure, it was a little easier to keep you happy when you were a cute little tyke. A simple temper tantrum got the job done. Then, as we grew older, I had to be a little more discreet. You wanted to keep winning and getting your way—all the while looking humble and unassuming. That gets tricky! Not to mention tiring. As a matter of fact, you never seem to care about dull stuff like bills and consequences and what happens tomorrow. I’ve said more than a few harsh words on your behalf to certain people, and you never warned me about the mess. You never told me I couldn’t unsay what I’ve said. I love you, Me. But I can’t keep living for you. You always insisted that if I’d just keep you happy, then I’d be happy—as simple as that. But you know what? It’s not as simple as that. It never has been. Me, I’ve let you be in control and sit in the driver’s seat, but it’s clear you can’t be trusted. You keep insisting you know the way we should go, but it always seems to be a dead end. I’ve looked into some other options, and I have decided to begin a journey down a different path. It’s narrow and difficult and not many choose it, but it leads to real and abundant life. However, and there is no easy way to say this, I can’t take this path if I bring you along. So, Me, this is the end of you.
Is what you have to gain really worth what you have to lose?
Is what you're gaining worth what you're losing?
Dad came in the other day at the end of a movie to see the final moments in which the daughter left home and was coming home and falling into her father's arms and begging his forgiveness. Dad came over to me, put his arms out and said, "That's what you want most, isn't it?" Of course I nodded and then Dad just fell into my arms and cried as he said, "Me too, dear. Me too." It broke my heart to see his so broken. We all love you more than words can say.
YOUR CHOICES ARE A REFLECTION OF WHO YOU ARE INSTEAD OF WHO ANYONE ELSE IS. PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE RIGHT IN SPITE OF CIRCUMSTANCE HAVE TRUE CHARACTER.
BE THE EXCEPTION!
The value of the message is not determined by the messenger. A message of great worth delivered by a poorly regarded messenger is still a message of great worth. A message of foolishness delivered by a highly regarded messenger is still a message of foolishness.
Putting Yahweh's Name on something not of Him doesn't make it of Him. It just shows Him how much you know better.
We love you, DeAnna-
NO MATTER WHAT!
I love you. Can I say that a million more times? Even then, it wouldn't scratch the surface and my love for you is extremely pale in comparison to
His love for you.
Well, Yahweh has given us the most difficult instruction yet- WAIT. Wait for you to initiate contact. Wait for you to make choices. It's the most difficult of things to realize that it is your choice even to make the most awful of decisions. Yahweh gave you the right to choose right or wrong. In Isaiah 7:15, the signs of Immanuel, Yahshua HaMashiach, are given and one of them is "...when he knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good." We are waiting for you to learn how to choose the good. We are putting it in Yahweh hands to work in your life and teach you His ways. We are trustfully waiting, continually hoping and constantly praying for you.
I called my parents and explained to them that I had blown it in a lot of areas of my life- not just my grades but also in my walk with Christ. I had strayed from Him. And my parents listened to what I had to say, and then they said three words to me.
They didn't say, "Turn things around."
They didn't say, "Make things right."
They didn't say, "Get some help."
They didn't say, "Figure it out."
They didn't say, "We love you."
They didn't say, "We forgive you."
It was better than that.
What they said to me was:
"Just come home."
From a college student in "AHA" by Kyle Idleman, P. 196
One night after I read Clara “Mike Mulligan”, she said, “I know this is a children's book but it applies to adults too, you know like when a man leaves his wife for a better woman and how DeAnna left us for something better.” I asked her if I could share that with you.
So many things in today's world
are packaged as something they are not, especially Christianity, morals, values, integrity... These things can only be defined by Yahweh's Word. The bottom line is peanut butter labeled jelly is still peanut butter. Check what's in the package instead of trusting the label.
We're being told by so many that if we express too much love for you, you'll take us for granted but we simply want you to know how much we do love you and are here for you, whether you take it for granted or not. Whether you believe or ignore a truth, appreciate it or take it for granted, live by it or against it, it is still the truth and nothing changes it just as nothing will change our love for you.
You have a waiting family. We may wait forever, hope forever, pray forever and absolutely love forever but we will. We will because you are
WORTH THE WAIT.
Uncle Billy said the other day that we were raised with a "WE, US, TEAM, FAMILY" mentality but the world today has an "I, ME, MINE" mentality.
One day, Dad just held his head in his hands and asked, "Dear, what did I do so wrong that DeAnna is doing what's she's doing and won't even listen to me?" Has he not more than earned the right for you to trust him and honor him? If ever I do not want to submit to Dad, I think of all he does and think, "How can I not?"
Today was Father's Day- June 19th, 2016. Dad was so disappointed. He was really hoping you would call today. It broke our hearts to see him sad. We had the most beautiful day. Dad was somewhat sentimental, probably due to a heavy heart. He watched his watch and listened for the phones all day long. He held me a lot longer than usual when saying good-night and said he didn't know what to think about you anymore. The Bible Gateway verse of the day today seems to be one
you really need to take to heart:
"What good is it for someone to gain the whole world,
yet forfeit their soul?" -Mark 8:36, NIV
"NOT MY WILL BUT YOURS BE DONE." -Luke 22:42
Your will is to not come home. Ours is that you do. We believe it is His will that you do. It isn't our will that will bring you home. Your will can keep you away but we hope that you will reach a point where you say, "Not my will but Yours be done" and then His will can bring you home.
Ignoring the consequences of your actions does not mean they do not exist. It simply means you are unprepared to deal with them.
From Jonathan Laurie on losing his brother:
“Up until the time that he went home to be with the Lord, he had actually been very encouraging of me: to get my life right; to quit living this double life; to stop partying and doing all that lifestyle entails. In fact, the night before his death, I was out with friends, doing the party thing; smoking and drinking. That night I really thought about how I wanted to go see my brother the next morning and talk to him about how miserable I was. I had told him previously that I wanted to get back there and he’d asked me, ‘Well, what it is going to take?’ That next morning, I got my answer. Christopher going home to be with the Lord was my wake up call.”
Are you part of the problem or part of the solution? That's a question that applies in many ways. It applies in the, "Let's work through things" way. It also applies to this: We wanted to have children to make the world a better place, to add true beauty to it and
to shine light in the darkness.
From your Mama-
One of my greatest concerns is that in your firm resolve to reject me, you are rejecting everything you heard or learned from me. Please do not reject Yahweh's truth because you heard it or learned it from me. If it is His truth, you must receive it and believe regardless of where you heard it first. As someone wisely told us in a time of questioning, "Why would you let the actions of man keep you from obeying the truth of Yahweh?" If my words and actions interfered with your coming to Him and accepting His Word in complete trust and surrender, I repent, ask for your forgiveness and beg you to reconsider that His truth as expressed in His Word is the most critical thing on which to base your life.
THOUGHTS FROM 2015
THOUGHTS FROM 2016
This page is most likely to be the most challenging. We want to give you points to ponder, some you may like and some you probably won't like, at least not now. These are based upon values found in Scripture. We hope to provoke you towards truth and goodness, not to provoke you to anger. Instead of anger, can you just take these things to Yahweh to see if they are so? "Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true." -Acts 17:11
We saw you for the first time in almost a year today. It was so wonderful to see you but so heartbreaking too. Your light is gone. Your beautiful shining light has gone completely dim. Others had told us and we'd seen it in photographs but it was an undeniably heartbreaking truth once we saw it in person. We saw something else too- you're bitter. Oh honey, don't be bitter. You wanted so much to be free and bitterness is slavery, not freedom. We learned that the Hebrew word picture for "rebellion" is "what comes out of bitterness."
We pray you will see that nothing but genuine unbreakable love and the very best of intentions motivated our parenting. Dear much loved rebel, please surrender. Surrender and fall into the arms of Jesus.